Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Randomize
