So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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