I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
