My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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