stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize