and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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