If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Found your dick twin last night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
