There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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