I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
