Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
