Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I pour the whiskey from now on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
