This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
