i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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