you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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