I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
