i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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