I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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