I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
