Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
