My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
