At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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