His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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