Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
