he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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