Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
