i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Acid is not a monday night drug
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
