How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
