I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize