just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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