I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize