Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
