cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
