his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
