scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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