What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
