I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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