I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
