I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I touched a dick in church today
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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