the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
