is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
