he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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