How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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