I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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