haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
