how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
