Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
