Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
