i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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