girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You are a genius and a whore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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