It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize