Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i love accidental penises.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize