so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
