I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize