Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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