Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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