Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
