Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Boobs are out for the taking
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
