You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
