everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
