So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
