I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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