I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the condom got lost in my hair
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
