his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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