whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
