i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
