I think I am morally bankrupt
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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