I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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