if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
