MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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