haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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