she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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