No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
