New invention idea: vibrating tampons
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
