epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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