You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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