Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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