Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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