i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
