I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
