You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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