If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
