my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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