I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
