you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize