whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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