singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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