lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
