i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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