Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
