I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
