so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
