Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found the puke drawer
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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