I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
