Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
