I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We are all done wearing pants today
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
