But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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