i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
