Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
