He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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