accomplished twins. life is a go
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
