Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize