what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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