And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
