I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
