Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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