awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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